Last night, on “Jersey Snore”—er, that is, “Jersey Shore”—nothing much happened. Well, okay; Vinny frolicked in the ocean with a tiny rat dog, which was pretty fun to watch. Otherwise, though, it seems like this show is just marking time until the gang leaves Miami.We begin the episode on a beautiful day. The sun is shining, the birds are singing—and Angelina, the Wicked Witch of Staten Island, has finally vacated the premises. In order to fully exorcise her spirit from the house, Mike and Pauly remove anything that she may have tainted, including her “dirty, disgusting” bed. (There’s a funny moment when they can’t figure out how to get the bed frame out of the doorway, which reminds us a lot of that scene in “Friends” where they’re moving a couch up a flight of stairs.)
The boys bring home lobsters that night to celebrate Angelina’s departure, which doesn’t sit well with Snooki. So she and Jenni decide they’re going to “save” one of the crustaceans—“We’ll keep it as a pet, and, you know, we’ll feed it and save it,” Snooki explains. They fill a bowl with tap water—ah, we see, these are fresh water lobsters!—and dump the critter into it. It lands upside down.
“Oh no, he’s gonna drown!” moans Jenni. “They live in water!” Snooks reminds her. Not this kind of water, though, as Vinny tells them: “It lives in salt water, you idiot.” Their mission is a resounding failure. Charlie the lobster ends up being cooked with the rest of his ocean-dwelling buddies.
The house-wide good vibes end as soon as dinner’s over, when Jenni tells Snooki that she still doesn’t like Sammi. Sammi, meanwhile, is worried that she has no friends now that Angelina’s gone—“What am I gonna do now, be up Ron’s ass all the time?” she laments. Yes, Sam, it’ll be a real change of pace.
Anyhow, Snooki tries to persuade Jenni to clear the air with Sammi. When she proves reluctant, Snooks decides to take matters into her own tiny hands. She speaks with Sam frankly, noting that the note “obviously” ruined their friendship. Sam appreciates Snooki’s candor, and just when it seems that things are going to get better, Jenni enters and Sam clams up.
The silence lasts through an entire commercial break. Finally, Jenni speaks up and finds a way to get herself off the hook: she blames Angelina for all their problems. “Without her here, it would have been different,” Jwoww says.
Sam responds by playing with her eyelash and saying that she wants them to move forward. When she goes to bed, Snooki is happy: “It’s all good in the hood,” she tells us. Privately, though, both Sam and Jwoww express their true feelings. Sammi tells Ronnie that she and Jenni will never be friends, while Jwoww delivers the ultimate burn to Snooks: “I’m not gonna get my nails done with her.”
The girls’ drama goes on the backburner the next day, when we shift our focus to Vinny. He’s supposed to go to the beach with Ramona, the beautiful dancer who stood him up a few weeks ago. This time, too, she makes him wait for hours longer than he thought he would have to. He even makes backup plans to go out with two “hot-ass” girls before she finally calls him again, saying, “I’m looking for you, but I can’t find you.”
They head out with her eensy dog, who is wearing a pink sweater. That should be a huge red flag, right? At the beach, Ramona gives Vinny a geography lesson—Romania, she explains, is “like, right over there,”—and splashes around in the water with him. He ends the date by kissing her goodbye and all but commanding her to go out with him again.
Snooki’s friend Ryder is supposed to come in the next day, but the night before her trip, she calls Snooks and is so drunk that Nicole thinks Ryder might miss her plane. Her worries are for naught—Ryder shows up right on schedule. The two promptly go to a bar to get enormous frozen cocktails that are garnished with two Coronas apiece. Seriously.
At the club that night, Snooki dances on a banquet and almost shows everyone her Little Snook before Ryder tugs down her friend’s dress. Mike isn’t having a good time because he doesn’t think any of the girls are hot; maybe, though, he’s just striking out more than usual. Even Ron admits that Mike looks like a loser as we see The Situation smack some girl’s ass.
Mike, of course, thinks he’s doing a great job charming the ladies. “Back in the day, they had a prophecy that one day, there would be a pimp of all pimps, and his name would be The Situation,” he says smugly. This man will make $5 million in the year 2010. Just let that sink in.
Mike decides that he wants to go home, but Snooki isn’t ready to leave yet. This is apparently enough of a conflict to start a huge fight that will eventually cause Snooki to label this evening the “worst night of my life.” Back at the house, Mike doesn’t apologize for being rude, which only makes things worse in Snooki’s eyes.
The girls head out the next afternoon to drink Miami Vices—think those are made with Kahlua, body glitter, and old vomit? They invite Sammi to come along, but she declines because she still doesn’t want to spend time with Jenni. Yaaaaawn.
We learn that Ryder and Snooki communicate in whirrs and clicks, like bats or bush babies. They find that at home, all that’s available to make cocktails is ketchup and olive oil, so the two girls head to the liquor store. They run into Mike and Pauly, and though Mike apologizes for the way he treated Snooks the night before, she’s still mad at him.
Still, she’s determined to have a good night. Before going to the club, Snooki pokes Jwoww’s boobs, then has Ryder do the same—and it seems to act like a good luck charm. Everyone is fist pumping and dancing like they haven’t got a care in the world… everyone, that is, but Mike, who’s jealous that Vinny is with Ramona.
He tries to poach the girl from Vin while his friend is in the bathroom, but his efforts are unsuccessful. So Mike responds by acting like a spoiled child whose favorite toy has been taken away. He sits on the couch and scowls, glancing at his watch—think it’s a Fossil?—and hating how everyone else is having a good time.
He’s so desperate that he soon tries to make out with Snooki, who thankfully rejects him. She doesn’t get why he’s suddenly acting like “a different person.” When he declares to Snooki that everyone is leaving, she says she doesn’t want to yet. Then he smacks her in the mouth.
Mike thinks that because he’s “the leader of this group,” everyone should obey him at all times. He gets really irate, yelling at Snooki until she tells him that he has “issues” and needs to get away from her. Everyone is on Snooki’s side for this one; even Pauly doesn’t get why Mike is acting like such a creep. We end the episode rather abruptly, as everyone dances around happily and Mike stands impatiently by a brick wall and scowls.
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